Different.

Blood - they leave so much evidence.

---

It's different this year.

I woke up on the sofa. My family's voices was downstairs. People went down the stairs. More noise. The sound of tables and chairs shuffling around. I knew chopsticks were laid on the table. Plates of food was served.

Everyone was there, but I was not. I slept. I didn't care.

Moments later, I woke up again. I don't mind getting back to sleep again, but I know I should go down. The reunion dinner was already halfway gone, and dessert is served. I wasn't hungry. Who would be hungry at 5PM?

I wanted to read my book, sleep, whatever. I'm always moody after waking up, I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to eat my family's reunion dinner.

I hadn't ate anything that night. I wondered what has gone into me. If I was at another place, would I acted the same way? No, I wouldn't slept in the first place. It was more lively there, just that I never experienced it.

I felt different from what I am.

---

I woke up. Duh, everyone does that every morning.

Like every new year, we head to the temple to pray. My relatives were not in sight, unlike every year. But it didn't mattered, we prayed anyway. It seems to be a little quiet this year. Probably because we were late. Were we late?

Happy Birthday Bunneh.

The sun was hot and bright, in the sky. But it rained later. It was a heavy rain, pouring down to the ground. The sky was dark, covering the sun. It was the first time I saw a raining Chinese New Year. Well, the weather was a little shaky along the week.

There were no firecrackers lighted at my grandmother's porch this year. Loud and clear, it was every year. Why didn't we light it this year?

Spaghetti. Mahjong. Cards. TV. I forgotten what have I did every new year. Watching my father gambling? I forgot. I only remembered I kept reading my book this year. SW's book, to be exact.

I felt like I had been going to the airport lately. Fetching my father back from there, taking my father there from home. This time it was my brother. He's going far, far away. I'm glad. It's was peace, at least for me.

Osaka. That's where my Malacca relatives were. I hope they enjoy their trip to Japan. Why didn't I follow? Because I want to be at Tokyo if I ever went to Japan. With their absence, I'm at home. Red packets were getting lesser every year.

New year was different this year. Different.

---

You are slippery to hold on to sometimes.
You are not moving, but I felt like you're swimming away.
Why won't you join us?
Why would you hurt?
Where do you wanna be?
Where do you think you exist?
I think I'm losing.
I think.
Are you speaking the truth?
Are you playing with me?
You got me shaking.
You got my heart in fear.

Every time I waver, you set me up again.

Is it me, or is it you?

---

I miss you.
I miss you, too.
Oh, I miss you, too.
When we all will see each other again?

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