Period Talk.

I remember talking about menstrual cramps and the pains of being a woman long time ago at my blog. At the starting of that post, I said that I wasn't sure how my readers would feel about talking such topic, fearing that people, especially the opposite gender would be grossed out.

That was 2013. Six years later, I have different thoughts about periods.

Talking about menstruation, I believe, is always such a difficult topic to openly talk about. Not just in Malaysia, but everywhere in the world. It's a topic people are embarrassed and afraid to discuss.

Probably because it's gross? Because only women experience it? Because our ancestors thought it was filthy and we were raised to think so too?

As a woman that dealt with menstruation for almost half of my whole life, I think shouldn't be a taboo topic. I believe it's one of the most natural process a female will go through, much more natural than, for example, the need to constantly update our social media.

Unfortunately, it is sad to say not many people (and women) don't think the same way as I do. It is sad despite living in 2019, people still avoid the topic like the plague.

My first period

I got my first period when I was 11. Pretty early, I know.

My cousins were sleeping over when I noticed blood stains on my panties. I told my cousin about it, and she said I was probably bleeding from the inside, but there's nothing to worry about. That probably wasn't good advice.

I told my mom about it later, and that's when she pulled me aside to a room, closed the door to sit down and talk. She also brought along a pair of panties and a sanitary pad.

Here's what she said: when a girl becomes a lady, she bleeds every month. Then, she said my period cycle might be irregular at first, so it's best to keep track of my cycle so I will be prepared next month. Finally, she showed me how to put on a pad.

My mom couldn't explain scientifically why women experience menstruation, but I doubt the young me could understand it anyway. I don't recall asking lots of questions. I think I just accepted it, and maybe feeling a bit down because from then on, I would need to deal with this 'bleeding'.

Since then, I had period every month until now. I had many mishaps and accidents with period blood, plenty of embarrassing and anxious moments, and experienced pain thanks to the cramps. Still, I think my menstruation cycle is quite regular and I feel fortunate that I don't suffer from things like endometriosis.

However, I am jealous of people that don't bleed a lot, experience no kind of pain, have longer cycles, or bleed for only a few days.

A taboo topic

I was raised in a society that do not openly talk about menstruation.

In both primary and secondary school, when they wanted to educate girls about menstruation and puberty, they would gather all the girls into the hall and shut the doors and windows. We would had these talks like it wasn't supposed to be known, like it was some dirty secret.

They would say it's natural for girls to have periods, that there is nothing to be embarrassed about, but somehow we were hiding in rooms. It's so fucking ironic.

Boys were strictly not allowed to enter during these sessions, it's like as if there's no need for men to know about women and their filthy blood.

My friends in school would hide their pads in newspaper or envelopes. They would try to keep the boys from hearing it, passing pads like it's a secret stash under the tables. When accidents happen, girls would help each other to cover skirts, trying their best not to let the boys know.

When they mention menstruation, they would avoid saying the real term for it. Instead, they say things like:

来那个(that thing arrived), my friend is visiting, or it's their time of the month.

The slang I despise the most is:

肮脏血(dirty blood)

Even when menstruation was taught in the infamous Form 3 Science Chapter 4, everyone still treat it as a taboo topic. While we did learn about menstruation, the reason and the explanation behind it, somehow it still remains as a sensitive topic.

But I don't think the situation has improved much even after I got older.

Women still are embarrassed to show they are dealing with menstruation. People still hide pads, they are still afraid of opening pads in public bathrooms. Some men are still clueless about buying pads.

A close friend of mine from university still refers menstruation as 'my friend visited me,' which confuses me every time. And I think generally, Malaysians are still shy about the topic. I can't say I'm bold enough to talk about periods openly but hey, I'm blogging about it.

However, not all hope is lost. Another friend—also from university—told me that in a her school, they talked explained about menstruation and puberty for both genders with all students together. I was shocked, and also very envious of how her school dealt with such sensitive topic.

Why is it this way?

It shouldn't be this difficult.

Menstruation and puberty shouldn't be topics that we avoid with all our might. Instead of talking about the colour of school shoes, our government should be discussing about the importance of sex education, and getting rid of the embarrassment and fear of these 'taboo' topics.

It shouldn't be frowned about, it shouldn't be embarrassing. It's nature, it's our body. Why should we be afraid? Why do we need to hide it from the opposite gender?

Everyone is now here because a penis was inserted into a vagina and the things in Form 3 Science Chapter 4 happened. Menstruation is just something that happens when the ovum isn't fertilised by a sperm.

So why are we still afraid to talk about it? I wish I knew.

Our ancestors probably had a role in this problem. They thought menstruation was dirty, they thought women with periods were dirty. The men in the past probably wanted to do nothing with period, some men now still are oblivious to matters about menstruation. They didn't talk about it openly, which made us afraid to talk about it.

Of course, things are changing, things are getting better. But the stigma and the negative perception of female menstruation is still there. I still can't get my friend to not say 'her friend is visiting.'

But I hope there will be day when we can discuss such things with everyone, man or woman. A day when all of us can discuss about our menstruation, puberty and sexual health without feeling shy or embarrassment.

I won't say I'm totally comfortable with talking about it, but I'm working on it. I hope this post will make people realise it's not such a big deal.

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The reason why I blogged about this topic is because I (finally) wanted to talk about using menstrual cups. It was a topic that I have always wanted to discuss, but I never got to it.

Using a menstrual cup is a bigger taboo in Malaysia, and I thought it would be a shock if I dived straight into the topic without addressing the awkwardness and fear of menstruation in our society. So here it is!

If you want to read about how I discovered menstrual cups, click here! And if you want to know more about my experiences using a menstrual cup, you can read it here.

I broke my posting streak for July, and I barely made it for August. I want to make up for my laziness and lack of discipline. I will do my best to post more with all the holidays Malaysians have during the month of September.