Socializing.
My niece turned a month old and my cousin hosted a buffet dinner at his house. I guess it's a Chinese tradition to celebrate but there's food, so why not?
I entered the house and immediately greeted the people there (I think it's really disrespectful to ignore your elders). Their eyes were fixed to the television screen, broadcasting one of the many matches from the Commonwealth games. So yeah, I got ignored but it's really okay, because they weren't my family members so I don't expect them to respond to a stranger.
And yeah, they're watching a game.
I realized I had a problem with socializing with people, especially after I attended university. It wasn't like I couldn't open my mouth to ask someone something, but it's like I don't really want to talk to people anymore. Gosh, small talk sucks.
Every time I meet someone new, I often stay quiet and only let out my voice once in a while. My excuse:
'I'm shy.'
Almost everyone says that. Well I do think I'm a little shy but that's just a really sucky excuse now that I think about it. You can't be shy as you grow up, you'll lose so many opportunities. Who likes shy people, anyway?
It gets worse, because I don't have probably more than five (it might be even lesser) friends to talk to. Sometimes when I see people keeping in touch with their secondary school friends, I wonder how the heck did they manage to find a topic to talk about even after they separated from each other. Heck, I didn't even made any small talk with my university friends during my break.
My actions are contradicting with what I'm thinking. I crave for interaction but in reality I'm doing nothing but sulking over people at Facebook with their wonderful (?) social lives.
Back to the buffet dinner. I managed to talk to my cousins and a few of my aunts. But then, I realized something. I don't even talk about myself with the family members. Have I really shut myself that much.
So there was my cousin, talking about her university life and how her friend did something or some event that happened some time ago. While I just nodded and listened. I didn't talk share anything about my life at all for that whole evening. Well, I did talk about how bad the badminton player was playing.
And it's exactly the same even when I'm talking to people online. It's worse because people can't possibly see you nodding or hear you grunt in approval or something. I often complained to Seru about not able to make friends online and offline and yes, the main problem lies in me. I know.
If you asked me now to Facebook chat someone I haven't spoke to for a month, I can't. I. Just. Can't.
I don't like speaking up, much less bringing up a topic or suddenly joining in a conversation. I would wait, wait, wait and wait some more and you know it, listen when in fact I'm just thinking in my brain when I should really butt in. But I don't, I never did.
In the end people will say, 'Oh, June's so shy and quiet.'
Once again, back to the buffet dinner. We were eating our meal like usual. It amazes me when how my cousin is able to just turn his head to the table behind him and talk to the aunties about how the fried chicken tasted so awful. A while later he can talk to random strangers about random things. It looks simple but it's just so impossible for me.
I prefer listening. But I guess for most people, they prefer someone they can talk to and someone that will talk a little bit about themselves. If not, it's just like talking to wall, in a way. And wouldn't it be weird to call someone your friend, when he or she only listens to you, talking nothing about themselves.
But I realized I have problems listening too. I realized that I can't really focus on what people are saying if their topic isn't interesting. And yeah, I won't say things like 'Hey, you're boring.' so I'll just sit through the whole talk about how insignificant and uninteresting your morning went while I'm just hoping the conversation will end soon.
I'm a horrible person.
I attended university with the hope that I'll change into a different person but I got worse. At some point I actually hated people and group work was something that would probably kill me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to grow old and die alone with probably only a dog as a companion.
Here's a cute GIF to lighten the mood.
I entered the house and immediately greeted the people there (I think it's really disrespectful to ignore your elders). Their eyes were fixed to the television screen, broadcasting one of the many matches from the Commonwealth games. So yeah, I got ignored but it's really okay, because they weren't my family members so I don't expect them to respond to a stranger.
And yeah, they're watching a game.
I realized I had a problem with socializing with people, especially after I attended university. It wasn't like I couldn't open my mouth to ask someone something, but it's like I don't really want to talk to people anymore. Gosh, small talk sucks.
Every time I meet someone new, I often stay quiet and only let out my voice once in a while. My excuse:
'I'm shy.'
Almost everyone says that. Well I do think I'm a little shy but that's just a really sucky excuse now that I think about it. You can't be shy as you grow up, you'll lose so many opportunities. Who likes shy people, anyway?
It gets worse, because I don't have probably more than five (it might be even lesser) friends to talk to. Sometimes when I see people keeping in touch with their secondary school friends, I wonder how the heck did they manage to find a topic to talk about even after they separated from each other. Heck, I didn't even made any small talk with my university friends during my break.
My actions are contradicting with what I'm thinking. I crave for interaction but in reality I'm doing nothing but sulking over people at Facebook with their wonderful (?) social lives.
Back to the buffet dinner. I managed to talk to my cousins and a few of my aunts. But then, I realized something. I don't even talk about myself with the family members. Have I really shut myself that much.
So there was my cousin, talking about her university life and how her friend did something or some event that happened some time ago. While I just nodded and listened. I didn't talk share anything about my life at all for that whole evening. Well, I did talk about how bad the badminton player was playing.
And it's exactly the same even when I'm talking to people online. It's worse because people can't possibly see you nodding or hear you grunt in approval or something. I often complained to Seru about not able to make friends online and offline and yes, the main problem lies in me. I know.
If you asked me now to Facebook chat someone I haven't spoke to for a month, I can't. I. Just. Can't.
I don't like speaking up, much less bringing up a topic or suddenly joining in a conversation. I would wait, wait, wait and wait some more and you know it, listen when in fact I'm just thinking in my brain when I should really butt in. But I don't, I never did.
In the end people will say, 'Oh, June's so shy and quiet.'
Once again, back to the buffet dinner. We were eating our meal like usual. It amazes me when how my cousin is able to just turn his head to the table behind him and talk to the aunties about how the fried chicken tasted so awful. A while later he can talk to random strangers about random things. It looks simple but it's just so impossible for me.
I prefer listening. But I guess for most people, they prefer someone they can talk to and someone that will talk a little bit about themselves. If not, it's just like talking to wall, in a way. And wouldn't it be weird to call someone your friend, when he or she only listens to you, talking nothing about themselves.
But I realized I have problems listening too. I realized that I can't really focus on what people are saying if their topic isn't interesting. And yeah, I won't say things like 'Hey, you're boring.' so I'll just sit through the whole talk about how insignificant and uninteresting your morning went while I'm just hoping the conversation will end soon.
I'm a horrible person.
I attended university with the hope that I'll change into a different person but I got worse. At some point I actually hated people and group work was something that would probably kill me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to grow old and die alone with probably only a dog as a companion.
Here's a cute GIF to lighten the mood.
I'm gonna start my degree soon so I will be interacting with humans again. Hopefully, I'll force myself to speak to humans so I won't be afraid of them so much. *nodnod*
---
Broke down the wall to find another wall again.
*starts head banging*
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