Dull.

I am not the most interesting person in the world, and I'm not the person you'll want to go to when you want to hear cool stories or interesting conversations. Well, you could try but I'll probably won't.

I realized that I have gotten really anti-social since my semester break. Probably the most anti-social moment in my whole life of my history. Well, maybe I wouldn't diagnose myself anti-social but really I just don't like talking to people about stuff anymore.

Or I'm scared, or just plain nervous, or just unwilling to share about things about me anymore. I'm guessing it's more of the third option there.

I won't shut myself in my cone shell and seal myself away from human interaction, I will stand outside right beside my shell, a few feet away from you and listen to you as you talk about your (most likely more) interesting life and go back inside once you're done or when I decide I don't want to listen to you anymore.

I say I'm a listener but I'm not the best listener. I make sure I get all the points you're trying to explain but in my mind I'm probably thinking other things or things about you. It's weird to explain. I'll probably go like 65% only while listening to people.

'cause most of the time I don't give a shit.

Based on who you are actually. If you mean nothing to me I'll probably just shut you away. Sad fact.

The other day I began talking to a person who I haven't talked to for months. Yeah, we exchanged greetings and without even asking how that person was, the person begun talking about life, love, music, games and such.

At the starting I was admiring how people can just reveal how their life is. I can't do that to people I'm not close to. There's just this thing where I hesitate to tell people how I'm living or what I'm going through right now. I'll probably drop vague hints about what I'm feeling or experiencing but that's it. People will probably need to beat me up to try to get me to talk about something.

Then I realized, the person was going on about things I really don't give a shit about. I been through all of that same shitty topic before and at that point I was just plain tired. I don't give a Japanese fish cake about how unimportant your life is at that point. I faked my exit in the end.

Then it happened again. I talked to another person and once again this scenario happened. Shitty, dull, repeated topic that I really don't care. I admire how they express themselves but their topic is just so boring. It's no wonder I don't have a lot of friends who I can freely talk to. Iconstantlyjudgepeople,LOLbutseriously.

So, rather than saying I'm the good guy, I asked myself. Have I ever acted that way before? Have I repeated mention the same topic to that specific someone everything? I realized I did. Not to everyone and not often but it did happen. Even though the person said it was okay, it was fine, I do feel guilty about it.

I miss the days when I wouldn't stop myself to think before saying something. But then again I did say a lot of stuff that I regret. But I guess it's a better situation than I am now. At least I have some memory to ponder about. Now I'm just a bottled up thingy.

I'm really glad my next semester is starting. I'm finally meeting my classmates again and actually do stuff. I feel like I'm saying this every semester but yeap, I made no improvements in my social life. I'm just all talk, it's just that sad. Don't even give me sympathy, I don't deserve it.

I'm probably going to die like a deflated cone.

*peeewwwwww*

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