Disappointing Numbers

Lots of things happened this week.

I went to Hana's house, a science trip with my school, and this. There will be at least three posts this week. And I don't think I can do it.

Since I need to upload loads of photos in the other posts, I will post this first. *sob*

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Yesterday I went for my ballet lessons and my teacher said the Grade 6 results are out. I was damn excited, like the other girls. But my teacher didn't let us know first because there are other students who haven't arrived.

I completely forget about this result thing when I was dancing.

Then, when the class ends, my teacher took the results out. My name was first to be heard and then followed by the most DISAPPOINTING NUMBERS OF MY LIFE.

I GOT 79 MARKS.

79. Is enough to get a Distinction. But what upsets me is I think I can get better than this. I really tried my best during the exams. I smiled more than other exams and really, really tried my best. Oh come on, at least 80!

I disappoint my teacher, myself and worse of all, my class.

My teacher agreed to take us to eat Shabu-Shabu if all of us get 80 marks and above. I was the only one pulling everyone down. I was holding back my tears, and pretending to wipe my sweat on my face.

After my result, I heard 82, 85, 84. Everything that starts with an EIGHT.

I even lost to my friend, who sprained her ankle.

My teacher announced all the results and even though I failed everyone, my teacher still decided to take us to eat. I was more disappointed in myself and more sad.

My teacher looked at me and said,

" It's only one mark away, why can't you just get one more mark? "

I gave her a faint smile back.

I quickly packed my back and went into the car that was waiting for me. It's my brother driving this time and my mother beside him.

Thanks to them, I can sit at the back and cry silently.

I stormed into my room after I reached home and cry as I turned on my player so no one can hear me.

Even now, I can't control my tears. I wonder how can I face the whole class today.

I really thought I can get 80 and above, because I am really confident in this grade. And now I failed myself. I feel like dying again.

If only I am this serious in studying.

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I hate you, seriously. You DISGUST me.

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